The Buzzing in the Back: What Not To Do When You Are At The Theatre

After sloshing through the snow and ice, I was relieved when I stepped into the little brown brick building at 3828 Main in Kansas City on Wednesday February 9. Once inside, I was excited and pleased with my decision to brave the elements to see the newest production the Unicorn Theatre had staged. The play written by Sarah Ruhl is titled “In the Next Room or The Vibrator Play”. If you are wondering what the play is about, trust your instincts on this one. As my friend Rhiannon and I stood in the lobby before the show, we discussed the historical elements of the play.  As it turns out in the 19^th century women who were diagnosed with “hysteria” were treated by doctors using a technique they called pelvic massage. “In The Next Room” takes place during the infancy of electricity when people were discovering all the new ways this invention could change their lives. For doctors treating hysterical women, electricity offered a solution to the tedious task of pelvic massage. Cue vibrator, the unbilled actor in this dramedy.

            While waiting for the lights to dim, I spent some time taking in the theater and making note of who was in the audience. It had been awhile since I had been to the Unicorn but it appeared their audiences still mostly consisted of an older white demographic. I wondered how an older crowd would receive the risqué subject matter. I got my answer at the end of the first act and it came loud and clear. As the lights went down signaling applause from the audience, I heard a ridiculous amount of commotion in the back of the theater. Mixed in the polite clapping came a mix of WOOHOOOOOS and OWWW OWWWWs from a poofy haired woman who looked to be in her mid to late 50s.  Throughout the second act the noise from the back only got worse. The laughter rose to a level that became distracting to me and certainly to the people shying away from the big haired offender. Then when laughter wasn’t enough to show her approval, she started interjecting her own commentary. With every “uhh Hello” and “Uh-oh” she let out I became more detached from the story unfolding on stage.

            After the play, I started thinking about theater etiquette.  I couldn’t understand how people attending the theatre could be so out of touch with what is acceptable behavior. I refuse to believe someone would behave in a way knowing it would negatively impact others, so I came to the conclusion that it had to be that they didn’t know the rules. So here they are:

1.     Turn off your phones (this means off not vibrate)

2.     Don’t unwrap candy during the show.

3.     Do laugh when something is funny but no need to overdo it

4.     Show up on time and be in your seats prior to curtain.

5.     Don’t talk during the show…Duh

6.     We all know theatre seats are not always the most comfortable but try to refrain fidgeting and squirming in your seat.

7.     If you don’t know when it is appropriate to clap, follow the lead of the rest of the audience.

            The rules are simple, but if you are ever in doubt my rule is to always be considerate of others. So if you don’t know whether you should shout out your opinion in the middle of the show, first think about whether the person next to you cares (they probably don’t), then think about the actors on stage and whether your take on the story is going to distract them from telling it to the rest of us (it probably will). Opinions are best expressed after the show because part of the fun of going to the theatre is hearing what everyone thought about the show. Going to the theater is always fun even when the show isn’t, but it only takes one loud person in the back row to ruin it for everyone else.